


jump right in and swim until you're free.

by kindahannah



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: But not exactly, Kind of angsty, M/M, Narry - Freeform, harry is based off of alaska, i didnt tag them in relationships bc, kind of inspired by looking for alaska, lilo and zerrie are side pairing ayy papi, narry centric, the end is happy ok, theyre not important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-10
Updated: 2014-02-10
Packaged: 2018-01-11 21:25:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1178097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kindahannah/pseuds/kindahannah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles is pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that won't fit together, and he's empty thoughts that he can't put together, and he's a face with a story that nobody knows.</p><p>Niall Horan is the one who listens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	jump right in and swim until you're free.

Everybody tried to warn him about Harry Styles. They told him that he was nothing but trouble, tried to give him alphabetized lists or when and where and how, and every time Harry proved to be trouble. They tried to tell him before he even began his first day at the new school, before he'd even seen the boy who was nothing but trouble.

They were Liam and Louis, respectively. Two boys who were totally gone for each other but wouldn't admit it, and were the self-proclaimed welcoming crew of this boarding school Niall had decided to come to for his last year of high school. (When he told his mum and brother he wanted to go to school here, they thought he was mad. Maybe he was a little mad, but he was mostly just in dire need of change).

Niall didn't actually see this Harry Styles character until the next day, and he was just as tall, dark and handsome as he would've expected. He was sitting on a bench beneath a tall tree, dangling a cigarette between his lips and staring out ahead of him like he belonged in a movie. He was wearing one of the most ridiculous outfits Niall had ever seen, which consisted up battered up boots, skin-tight jeans with rips in them, two different plaid shirts, and a pair of sunglasses which were tinted dark enough to keep anyone from looking in his eyes. And now maybe, just maybe, he could see why Liam and Louis had tried to warn him about Harry Styles before he ever met him, because he really was intrigued.

He hadn't realized he'd been staring at the boy until he heard the clear of Harry's throat, causing him to blink. "Can I help you with something, Blondie?" He asked, pulling the cigarette away from his too-pink lips and holding it between two of his long fingers instead.

"I, uh.. Niall," Niall stammered, unable to think of anything else, and scuffed the toe of his shoe along the ground.

Harry pushed his sunglasses to the tip of his nose to look at Niall for a moment, then pushed them back up and laughed slowly. "Don't think I asked."

Niall nodded quickly and managed to get out a quick "right" before turning and walking off in the other direction, horribly unnerved by the way Harry's too-green eyes had seemed to look deep into his soul. (Maybe that was why he wore the damn sunglasses even though it wasn't very sunny at all.)

He later came to the conclusion that his first encounter with Harry Styles was slightly mortifying, and he didn't dare tell Louis or Liam about it, or anyone else for that matter. He hardly suspected Harry would give him the time of day, anyways.

**

Turned out that Niall couldn't seem to get Harry out of his mind, though, and he felt incredibly dumb for it, considering he'd exchanged all of five words with the boy, and then fucking _ran off_. But maybe it was just one of the things that Harry did to people.

Regardless, he found himself asking about the boy anyways, when he was sitting with Louis and Liam by the pond, and Harry had just happened to walk past with some other tattoo-ed smoker, one who had a jawline that could probably cut diamonds. Niall thought maybe, just maybe, Harry had stolen a glance in his direction. But thanks to those goddamn sunglasses, he couldn't tell.

"Who's that?" Niall asked as he tore his gaze away from the smokers, and looked back over towards Louis and Liam, who were exchanging eyebrow raises. "Not Harry, the other one."

"That's Zayn, and he's not good news either," Liam finally answered, and Niall was already fairly confused and frustrated, because why were those boys so bad and so untouchable and so awful. 

"Are they together?" Niall settled on asking next, though, and not because he'd been continuously thinking about Harry's sinfully pink lips pressed all over his skin, and not because him being with that Zayn would be a problem in those plans.

Louis let out a laugh at that and shook his head, lying back down against the grass, and Liam followed suit. Niall continued to sit though, glancing between the two boys on the ground, and the two that were a fair distance away now. "They're hardly friends. Harry doesn't have friends. He just has people that can get him what he needs. That's all Zayn is."

Niall didn't question any further after that, just laid back into the grass and nodded to himself, wondering how bad it was that he was thinking about being the person who could, as Louis put it, get Harry what he needed.

**

The next time Niall saw Harry, it was night time, and he was still wearing the sunglasses.

Niall couldn't sleep, so he'd grabbed a sweatshirt and took a walk around the pond, almost having a heart attack when Harry Styles practically showed up out of nowhere. 

"Did I scare you?" Harry drawls, his lips curving up into a little smirk, and Niall's suddenly aware of how much of a predator Harry looks like, and sounds like. And that's probably why he was warned to stay away, but he kind of likes it.

He's set on not making a fool of himself, like he had last time, so he instead motions to the cigarette between Harry's fingertips. There's always one there, and Harry wears them like accessories. "Can I have one?"

At this, Harry tips his sunglasses down, his green eyes practically glowing in the dark, but Niall forces himself to stand his ground. After a minute of staring, looking both amused and slightly confused, he nods. "Sure," He replies, sounding uninterested, and reaching to his pocket to pull one out of it's case and hand it to Niall.

Niall places it between his lips, and waits for Harry to fish a lighter out, his nimble fingers easily getting the flame to click out, and lights the cigarette for him. Niall's never smoked before, but he doesn't think it can be too hard. He's proven wrong when he attempts to take a drag of it, and instantly doubles over with coughs.

Harry lets out a howl of laughter and moves to sit in the grass, looking up at Niall as if he expects him to do the same, and once the coughing subsides, he does. "Keep going. It gets easier," Harry encourages, and though wary, Niall does. And he continues to try and cough until he finally doesn't, and Harry nods, almost approvingly.

They sit there in a serene silence, smoking, until Harry finally breaks it. "So, what made you come to this hell on earth, anyways? Most people get sent here. They have no other option. But you.. You don't strike me as a delinquent."

Niall lets out a soft laugh at this and shakes his head, and he glances over at Harry, who's wearing a little smile of his own, and Niall feels warm all over. "I don't like when everything's the same," He finally answered, because that was really all he had, but Harry seems satisfied. 

"Everything's the same here, though, at least for me," He replies, and Niall doesn't argue, because it's probably true. "And if you don't like monotony, you probably shouldn't have been Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum's third musketeer." 

Niall barks out a laugh at that, but when he looked back over at Harry, he was already standing up. He reached his long fingers out and plucks the cigarette from between Niall's own fingers, and it's almost gone now, and drops it to the ground, putting it out with the toe of his scuffed up boot. 

"Was that an offer?" Niall dares to ask as he pulls himself to his feet, Harry already walking back in the direction of his own dorm. He can feel his heartbeat in his ears, and he's vaguely aware of the smile on his face. And when Harry turns around, his sunglasses are pushed down enough so that Niall can see his eyes, even though he's a good distance away now.

"Depends. Do you want it to be?"

**

The next morning at breakfast, Niall can feel Louis' gaze narrowing and burning through his skin. "What?" He finally snaps, head whipping to his left to glare right back at him.

"You smell like smoke, damn it!" Louis accused, one of his skinny fingers pointing at him as a scowl made it's way onto his face. "Nobody smokes but him! We warned you, Niall!"

Niall groans and breaks his gaze away, shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. "Why does it matter to you, anyways?"

Liam places his hand over Louis' shoulder, as if he can feel the way the anger is bubbling up inside the smaller boy. "Niall," Liam warns, a frown of his own on his gentle face, but not nearly as deep as Louis'. 

But Niall isn't finished. "Just because you two don't like him, for, I don't know, God know's why, doesn't mean I can't!"

Louis breaks away from Liam's grasp and stands up, glaring down at Niall with a look that could turn anyone's blood to ice. "Don't say I didn't warn you," He bit out before turning on his heel and leaving abruptly, Liam following in his footsteps.

After they were gone, Niall dared to look around the room and see if anyone was staring, but it seemed that the entire ordeal had gone unnoticed by everyone. Everyone, that was, except Harry, who was sitting across the room with his sunglasses on, staring Niall down. He was too far away to have heard it, he knew that much, but he must have seen Louis storm off. Niall can tell that, behind the sunglasses, Harry is giving him a look that wants to know if his offer was wanted to be an offer. Niall wants to know when he came to know this mysterious boy so well, it felt like he'd known him for years.

He doesn't go and sit by Harry and his friend that day. He doesn't go back down to the beach that night. 

**

Three days later, he's sitting on the bench under the tree, where he first saw Harry. He's reading a book, tapping his foot against the ground, when suddenly, someone's sitting beside him.

"It was an offer, you know."

Niall looks from Harry, to the two people in front of him. Zayn was one, the other was a little bird with purple hair. She was in Niall's lit class, and everyone called her Pez, but that wasn't her name.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

**

Niall becomes a part of their group. He's almost always at Harry's side, taking Zayn's spot, but Zayn doesn't seem to mind. He's more concerned with the girl who Niall's come to affectionately call Pezza, though her name is actually Perrie. (He finds out that the nickname is Zayn's idea, and that he also attempted to pin it onto Harry, as Hazza, but it didn't work out.)

He learns that aside from the smoking, and the drinking that they occasionally do late at night, these people aren't so bad at all. They're actually quite fun, and they make a game out of pulling pranks on the dean. Niall's not too good at pranking, but Harry helps.

One night, Zayn gets his hands on a generous amount of alcohol for the four of them, and they all lay out beneath a willow tree beside the lake, drinking and muffling their laughter so they don't get caught.

Perrie and Zayn head off before Harry and Niall do, and it's not hard to guess why. Harry wiggles his eyebrows behind his sunglasses, and Zayn mumbles a 'shuddup', and then they're gone.

"Can I ask you something?" Niall dares to ask after a brief period of silence, and Harry rolls onto his side to look at him.

"Didn't give me much of a choice there, did you, sunshine?"

Niall ignores that, because this is something he genuinely wants to know, so he just jumps right into it. "Why do you wear those all the time?" He asks, motioning to the sunglasses. And to his surprise, Harry takes them off. Fully. Niall's knocked breathless by the color of green that they are.

"My old man taught me that eyes are the window to the soul. Coincidentally, he also taught me never to let anyone in," Harry replied, his drawl seriously slowed down by the alcohol he'd consumed. "Figured that these are the best way to keep people out. And they look badass."

"Where's your old man now?" Niall asks curiously, quietly, and he's almost worried that he overstepped a boundary he shouldn't have, but then Harry answers him.

"Somewhere I hope to be very soon."

And so Niall continues to ask questions, wanting to know as much as he can know before Harry puts his sunglasses back on, pushes Niall out again. Every little thing he's ever wondered about Harry Styles is coming out as a slightly slurred question.

"Why do you smoke so much?" ("Not to enjoy it, if that's what you're asking.")

"Two plaid shirts?" ("I like them both.")

"Why does Louis hate you?" ("That's a long story.")

"How many tattoos do you have?" ("I lost count.")

"Did you get shipped off here?" ("Nope.")

"How many black t-shirts do you own?" ("Too many.")

"Do you mind that your boots have holes in them?" ("Not at all.")

After he's finished with those, there's a long period of silence. Harry's eyes are closed, and he looks calm. Niall can't stop thinking.

"Do you want to keep me out?" Is Niall's last question. His voice is soft, like he's afraid of the answer.

Harry tucks his sunglasses onto Niall's shirt, and then looks so deep into his eyes that Niall's afraid he'll fall into them. "You tell me, blondie."

And then, just like that, they're kissing. Harry kisses with the same slowness that he speaks, and Niall loves it. He loves how soft Harry's lips are, and how warm his mouth is. He loves that he can taste the alcohol on his mouth, and when they break away for a breath, he's breathing Harry in.

They don't talk after that. They don't have to. They just lay there and let their breathing patterns fall into sync until they can see the sun start to come up, and then they bid goodbye for the night.

**

Niall is walking on air the next day. At least, he is until Liam comes into the picture and makes him sit next to him on a bench and talk.

"What do you want, Liam? I thought this whole friendship was over after you followed Louis out of the mess hall like a puppy," He bites out, and he knows it's a little harsh, but Liam doesn't take a blow, and Niall doesn't want to hear shit about Harry right now.

"Do you want to know why Louis was so opposed to you being friends with Harry?" Liam sighs, giving Niall a look that lets him know he's not taking any shit, and he's just gonna tell him what he wants to know and then go on with his day. So Niall simply nods, and Liam begins.

"Harry didn't used to be, well.. He didn't used to be like that. He didn't smoke, and he wore more than just black t-shirts, and he didn't have tattoos, and he only wore sunglasses when it was bright out. That was back when we were sixteen, quite young, but Harry and Louis.. They were gone for each other."

Niall studies Liam's expression as he speaks, but he doesn't seem angry or jealous of the relationship that went out between Harry and Louis, and Niall wants to know why because he can already feel his blood boiling, and he's only kissed Harry once.

"And it was all really fine and great until. Erm," Liam trails off and clears his throat, raising his hand to the back of his neck, and rubs it sheepishly. "What happened to Harry is for Harry to tell, and he never talks about it, so I don't.. I don't think I should be the one to tell you."

Niall fights back the urge to roll his eyes, because of course Liam would be the good Samaritan and leave Niall out in the dark about, what he assumes, is a pretty important part of the story. Fucking Liam.

"Just know something kind of major happened to Harry, and he hasn't been the same since. At first the changes were really subtle, like you could tell his personality was changing, but he was still the same old Harry. But then we all went home for a month on winter holiday, and when Harry came back.. He was more like the Harry you know now. He and Louis broke it off, unofficially, since they were never really a couple, and Harry got into connections with Zayn. And, well, Zayn was always Zayn, but, Harry."

Niall's mind is moving as fast as it can to try and keep up with the story, and he nods slowly. "But.. Why does Louis hate him so much? He had to have done more."

Liam sighs deeply and nods, rubbing his palm against his knee and glancing at the ground before looking back up at Niall. "Right before the winter holiday.. Harry took Louis' virginity. He promised him that they'd be just the same after the holiday was over, and.. He broke that promise."

Niall's heart drops into his stomach at that, and it's a very, very good reason for Louis to hate him. But he's filled with guilt because almost as soon as he starts to think about Louis, he stops, and his mind goes right back to Harry. What happened to Harry that made him change so much? "Alright. Thanks for telling me, Liam," He finally replies, genuinely.

Liam simply nods and stands up, clapping Niall's back lightly before heading back in the direction he came from. After he's gone, Niall looks around, and his gaze locks on Harry, who's pretty far away, but could probably see exactly who he was talking to. As Niall stands up, Harry turns and leaves.

Harry avoids him for almost a week.

**

Their intricate dance of waltzing around one another, never coming close enough to touch, is broken when Niall finds Harry sitting by the pond, smoking. He sits down beside him without a word, and they just look ahead of them for a little while.

Niall's had enough time to think about what could have possibly happened to Harry, and he thinks he knows now. He thinks he knows Harry, too, and maybe that's the problem. Maybe he does, and that's why Harry keeps running.

"What you have to understand about me is that I am a deeply unhappy person," Harry begins, but Niall won't let him shut him out, not now, not when he's so close.

"Harry, what happened to your dad?"

Niall can hear Harry's little intake of breath, and out of his peripherals, he sees the boy shift and drop his cigarette to the ground. A part of him is convinced that Harry isn't going to answer, but then he does.

"Drinking and driving was his specialty."

And that's it. That's all he needs to know, all that has to be confirmed, for all the pieces to come together, but they don't fit. And Niall does know Harry, better than he thinks, and better than Harry wants to admit.

Harry Styles is pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that won't fit together, and he's empty thoughts that he can't put together, and he's a face with a story that nobody knows.

Niall Horan is the one who listens.

Harry knows that he listens, and so he talks. He talks about his dad and about how he was killed, and about how when he went back home on winter holiday, he felt like his dad would have been ashamed of him. He talks about how he got tattoos, but they all meant something to him, and he talks about how he wishes he didn't take Louis' virginity, and how he wishes that he wasn't like this, but that he can't change.

When he says that, Niall's fingers move to his wrist, where the same words are inked into his skin. And somehow, it goes from listening to kissing, and from kissing to stumbling, and from stumbling to falling, and then he's fucking Harry Styles in his dorm room, and the only thing that matters is the way Harry groans his name against his ear.

They fall asleep together, bodies lining up, limbs intertwining, heartbeats falling into sync.

**

When Niall wakes up, Harry is gone. And he's not just gone in the sense that he's not in the room anymore. He's taken off, truck and all, and he's taken part of Niall with him.

Niall sticks close to Zayn and Perrie, who both seem to know exactly what went on between the two of them, and try and convince Niall that Harry's done this before. He's taken off before, but he's always come back soon enough.

Months go by without Harry, and their arguments die on their tongues.

**

Zayn and Perrie are a couple, and so are Liam and Louis, and somehow, Niall is the bridge that helps these couples become friends. Things become easier after they all come back from winter holiday, and Harry is still nowhere to be found. They all seem to come to the same conclusion, that Harry isn't coming back, and they accept it.

Niall doesn't.

Niall looks for long limbs and curly hair and scuffed up boots wherever he goes. He sees his bright green eyes when he closes his own. When he's sitting alone at night by the pond, he listens for the sound of his steady breathing, but it's never there. And sometimes his mind slips back to the first time he asked about Harry's father, and how Harry said he wanted to be where he was, and he stops breathing.

He never shares that information with anyone, never lets anyone on to the fact that Harry Styles could be dead right now. Mostly because he doesn't want to come to terms with the fact that it's a possibility. (Partially because a part of him feels like he isn't.)

**

They graduate in June. Niall thinks he's the only one who adds in Harry's name. Everyone else seems to have forgotten about him. Everyone else wants to know why he's so hung up.

It's Louis that approaches him on their last day there, when everyone's packing up their things and getting ready to leave. He doesn't say anything about Harry, and neither does Niall, but they both formally apologize to each other for how they acted, and promise to keep in touch.

They all promise to keep in touch. The two couples and Niall, who feels horribly out of place. After rounds of hugs and laughs and making sure they all have the right phone numbers, they're off. Zayn and Pezza go together, as do Liam and Louis, and Niall is left alone.

He's taking the train back home, which isn't too far from here, but he can't bring himself to leave quite yet. So he leaves his bags on the bench where he first saw Harry, and started to walk, and he let his feet carry him, and somehow he ended up beneath the willow tree, the tree that can only remind him of the time when he kissed Harry.

He sits there for minutes, or maybe it was hours, and when his mind finally settles down to a dull whir, he stands up and leaves. He doesn't get ten steps away from the tree before he runs directly into someone. Niall prepares to apologize profusely for looking at the ground and not where he was going, but when he looks up, the only thing he can see are green eyes, and then he's being kissed. His hand flies up to find the back of Harry's neck, and he kisses him back for a long while before pulling away, and fumbling over his words.

"You can't just.. Do that!" Niall stammers, thoroughly disalarmed and left with a pounding heart and a spinning head. "You left me in the middle of the night. You left everyone. You took off without telling anyone where you were going! You could have died! You could have.." Niall trails off then, looking back at Harry and blinking a few times. He's wearing a white shirts that goes to his elbows, and looks soft, and there's not a pair of sunglasses covering his eyes. 

"Are you quite finished?" Harry asks, an eyebrow raised, though he sounds quite amused. Niall simply nods, crossing his arms over his chest. "Good. I missed you, first of all. I'll start with that. And I'm sorry for scaring you. But I.. couldn't stay."

Niall waits to see if there's any further explanation, but there's not. And he frowns. "Where'd you go?"

"I dropped out," Harry stated plainly, and Niall furrows his eyebrows, and then sighs, but lets Harry continue. "I went to go stay with my sister, got my priorities all sorted out. Got myself all sorted out."

"And?" Niall asks quietly, looking to the ground for a moment before looking back up at Harry.

"And I don't want to shut anyone out anymore. Especially not you," He states, and Niall looks up at him in a kind of disbelief that he can't put his finger on. "I don't know what it is about you, but I want to get to know you. I want to know everything about you. I want to fall asleep next to you and wake up next to you and rent a shitty apartment and.. And it's always been hard for me to care about people since my dad, but then you showed up out of nowhere, and I kind of fell in love with you."

And this time it's Niall who steps forward and reaches for Harry and kisses him, wanting to taste Harry's words on his lips, and wanting Harry to know that, yes, he was kind of in love with him, too. And they break away after what felt like hours, and get Niall's bags, and climb into Harry's truck and just drive. And Niall calls his mom and says he may not be home for a while because he's driving around with a beautiful boy, and Harry laughs and tells him not to be so cheesy.

And this time, everything feels permanent.

**Author's Note:**

> so, there we have it. i actually really, really like this one, and i think i might actually want to do something more with it. maybe a quick shot about harry and niall's life afterwards? i don't know.
> 
> feedback is mucho appreciated ok thank u baes.


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